Prepare for war, Tom



Oh, Tom, Tom, Tom. You big, adorable, darling idiot.

It's been a few weeks now since Tom Cruise, star of "War of the Worlds," criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants to cope with her post-partum depression. But his words aren't easily forgotten.

First, the genius said, "These drugs are dangerous.... When you talk about postpartum... and what you do is you use vitamins...when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things."

Not surprisingly, Scientology- the L. Ron Hubbard religion in which Cruise is deeply involved-disapproves of all drug use.

To add insult to injury, Tom then asked, "...Where has (Brooke's) career gone?"

Well, Tom, she did do that whole having-a-baby thing. And as if that wasn't enough, she wrote a book, "Down Came the Rain: My Journey through Post Partum Depression," which is currently on the New York Times' bestseller list. And oh, yeah, she's appearing in a London theater production of "Chicago." I don't think her career is going to dry up any time soon.

Tom, dear, beyond the fact that none of this is any of your business, let's think about your statements. What do you know about post-partum depression? You are of the male gender. Therefore you don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies. (Although I think we should force something the size of a cantaloupe out of one of his orifices, and see who needs anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs then.)

But apparently, Tom thinks he knows more than he actually does. In fact, recently he told Matt Lauer of The Today Show that "you don't know the history of psychiatry, I do."

Now, I don't know much about Scientology, but I'm pretty sure that "Thy shall act holier than thou" isn't in their bylaws.

I'd like to call Tom and chat with him about all this, but since I don't have Tom's home phone number, I settled for calling a doctor friend of mine and asked if post-partum could be fixed with vitamins.

During our discussion, we decided Tom might be suffering from make-believe post-traumatic stress syndrome as a result of the War of the Worlds. I believe the terms "gone off his rocker" and "truly losing his marbles" might have been mentioned as well.

In fact, one writer at www.tomcruiseisnuts.com noted that Tom might be a little chemically imbalanced himself: "He would likely benefit from some psychiatric care, and medications for this chemical imbalance."

Now wouldn't that be ironic?

Tom's words cut deep for the many people who still have a hard time talking about their depression and/or anxiety, and the medication they use to manage their illness.

Therefore, Brooke displayed the strength of a warrior by admitting she had sought treatment for post-partum depression. She put her neck on the line and Tom tried to chop off her head.

"Jerry McGuire" co-star and fellow Scientologist Kelly Preston defended the dingbat, but took a different tactic: "If you're going to be advocating drugs, which she does in her book, you need to be responsible for also telling the people of the potential risks."

So I read Brooke's book. I guess the chapter in which she advocates drugs was somehow missing from my copy.

Yes, there are risks in taking these medications. There are risks for taking any medication. You know those little pamphlets that come stapled to your prescriptions? The ones that you throw away immediately? They tell you all about the risks.

And what about the risks of not treating the depression and/or anxiety? Or thinking these illnesses can be cured by a vitamin?

Yessir, Tom old boy, you have stepped in it this time.

You wanna see a war of the worlds, pretty boy? Up to 80 percent of women experience "baby blues" after giving birth. Ten to 20 percent of all new mothers develop full-blown clinical depression, according to www. healthyplace.com/ communities/depression/postpartum_depression.asp.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older-about 1 in 5 adults-suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. That's over 44 million, movie-going people.

And since you may have offended them all, Tom, expect a few more empty seats when your next blockbuster rolls around.

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